Life's Little Clusterf*ks Episode 8 [Boobman Chornicles Chapter 3] The Training for the Main Event

[Written January 19, 2012]

The first Clusterfuck of 2012, I must be blessed.... no, just ready to issue another heaping of humorous honesty for 2012.

I would also like to say that I don't do much of Clusterfucks based on major current events; they're dated and will hold no lasting relevance as time progresses. However, I will say this; SOPA, Lamar Smith [R, Texas], PIPA and all other advocates of Internet censorship are invited to my gang rape festival - where they all can get it in the ass, without their consent. And with STD infested dicks.

Unless you're a sucker for punishment, or a mature individual, leave now. I said no Drama, and it's gonna stick.

Now then....

1. Camping failed, as did the Mayans, so stop trippin, God didn't say shit yet about the world ending.
2. Speaking of, If you don't believe in the existence of a higher being that can exact judgment to the world on a whim, then what the fuck is with that shelter doin here.
3. More importantly, damn lost my train of thought.
4. Update from the GLBT community, The opposite sex being a cockhole in the relationship is not a legit reason to go gay.
5. Take your love problems elsewhere bitch! 
6. They also went on to say: "Fuck outta here with that bullshit ya reverse fag"!!
7. Anyone notice the plotholes in Hancock?
8. The fuck Canada do to you? Stop Hatin!!
9. Bad Girls Club with the volume on....... I will say a prayer for you.
10. People will one day cheer the waiter skilled at punching some cockwad out of his clothes.
11. I wish my high school had a principal that can wrestle a deer.
12. Instead we had horny ass band members who can't keep their legs closed.
13. What the fuck is in this drink?
14. Sir you're scaring me.....
15. And they did that without your goddamn bill
16. The song that would now be the theme for CSI Miami.
17. They thought about me. that's why the song was almost 6 minutes long.
18. In their vision, the figuratively slung their dicks on me by  taking so long to get to the...
19. YYYYYYYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 
20. Because of that, I didn't impersonate Horatio Crane.
21. Bastards
22. I'm statrtin to see more Ramona Flowers type situations on FB
23. The fuck's goin on here?
24. Bullying has taught us something in this age
25. Ignorance isn't bliss
26. Ignorance comes home to tell your parents that your son aint coming home
27. It leaves your daughter butt naked and bruised
28. It tells your son that God made a mistake in making males. Cause they're all dogs.
29. On a less serious note, You girls seen me in action, you think i'm gonna sell myself short drinkin and smokin?
30. TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITS O_O!! [Sorry, had to get that out there]
31. Naru, Panty, Asuka, Dokoro-chan... what do they have in common that I hate?
32. Shizuo Heiwajima.......look him up.
33. I found UFC girl Arianny Celeste hot... till i saw her naked.
34. I mean she is by no means ugly, but.... yeah :(
35. Did they let Tyler Perry direct the last part of Girl with the Dragon Tattoo?
36. Cause I'm  hearing about how exploitive it got near the end....
37. I no happy
38. Ok ok, last time I riff on Perry................intentionally.
39. Familiar Faces guy..... Like a Boss.
40. Seriously, Knight in Shining Armor after every domestic abuse scene = big ratings
41. ....my dick >:(

This sheild of badassery i call disclaimer has been discovered. If you'll excuse me, I have to kill some trespassers [pulls out rifle]

See ya soon.

Life's Little Clusterf*ks Episode 7 [Boobman Chornicles Chapter 2] Santa and His Ho's

[Written November 28, 2011]

The stage has been set for a clusterfuck full of holiday "cheer". Sadly for this clusterfuck, there's none i can provide for the following

• those who can't handle my opninions
• those quick to catch an attitude to what i say
• skinny minge ass plonkers who can't hack profanity of any dialect
• so called advocates of God and self entitled bell ends who claim to be atheists
• Easily offended twats

As for the rest of us humans, sit back:

1. Fuck you and that skeet faced sweater. I will skate at Centennial Park butt ass naked in front of children before I wear that shyte.
2. Fruitcakes make great paperweights
3. Cut Jesus a break, this is HIS holiday too, ya dickface tit!!!  
4. [Forgive me Lord and savior for that last bit]
5. Pussy American par-rupapup-bumm.
6. Quick to offend by Christ  par-rupapup-bumm.
7. Why you celebratin anyway?  par-rupapup-bumm.
8. Plus you're so mean to gays,  par-rupapup-bumm,  rupapup-bumm, rupapup-bumm
9. Go suck a candy cane,  par-rupapup-bumm...
10. Your mouth has cummmmmm.
11. ewww, ya jizz face scrunty cunt!!
12. I'm sorry, that was a rant on why some offend easily to religious takes on holidays.
13. On the subject of carols....;)
14. Remember that song "Baby, It's Cold Outside"?
15. The male half of that duet is a fuckin rapist.
16. Check the lyrics. And tell me he's not tryin to get in her pants.
17. Don't llet Pedobear sing White Christmas. 
18. Say, Ronald Isley should sing "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"
19. Only his should be "A Contagious Christmas"version.
20. I could only imagine what the music video would look like
21. Speakin of adultrey, to the bitch that sung "Santa Baby"
22. I don't think Mrs Claus would appreciate you pushin up on St. Nick
23. Unless He and the mrs are swingers
24. come to think of it, mrs. Clause is lookin pretty hot....
25. That explains the white christmas in my room...
26. I said to much....shit
27. I don't trust some of those mall Santas
28. "Santa, do you have a candy cane in your pants? I'm startin to get uncomfortable"
29. More holiday wierdness in part two

Life's Little Clusterf*ks Episode 6 [Boobman Chornicles Chapter 1] Oooooh!

[written Nov 23, 2011]

So we're back to canon again, The true test of a hero begins; This is opinion based. May contain shit not suitable for pussies or minors.

What's this I smell? Oh I has a mask! [I see what you did there].

Guess the theme for this one, Internet

1. Give me five minutes. I'll be there.
2. -five days later- Give me five minutes. I'll be there
3. Please, I'm different from those last guys you were with. Meet me in the stairwell in 4 seconds.
4. Son, You better not use that motherfuckin language in this goddamn house. Shit!
5. Treat your woman with tender love and care. And always respect her...
6. Wife: That's really sweet dear.
7. -back hands the wife- I don't see a beer with that sandwich, hoe!
8. I'm tired of these dudes staring at my breasts.  Time I start wearing more exposing clothes.
9. I respect the personal space of others -steps within 1cm of a girl next to him-
10. A flat rate of 40.00 a month
11. -a month later- please pay 710,199.00 by the 15th
12. Now now, this is a safe work environment -grabs co-worker's crotch-
13. Not to worry, I'm a comitted husband, if you'll excuse me i have a date with my neighbor's wife.
14. Welcome to Kid's Corner! home of the Twirl-adick and Pussy Planet.
15. Welcome to the safest neighborhood in town -guy steals a flatscreen in the background-
16. Niggas ain't shit -wears men clothing-
17. Whatcha talkin bout, I don't swing that way -shows his ass crack in public while wearing pants-
18. Take this to cure your dysfunction [side effects includes dick implosion and death] the best medicine in years
19. There is no god -storm hits nearby pole- Oh Lord God in heaven help me!!
20. If you act up, I'm gonna torture you
21. Me: what if i behave?
22. I'm gonna torture you
23. I love you for who you are, just chop your hair off and grow a few inches.
24. We're an equal opportunity employer, we just hate non-Americans
25. We're against animal abuse, so we're gonna make porn and go against faux fur.
26. I love him so much! That's why I filed a restraining order on him
27. Someone explain why this 30 year old is arrested for dating a 25 year old?

Damn, that hard huh?  Till nextime.... [finds a strand of lace]

Life's Little Clusterf*cks Episode 5: Wait What?

[written on September 9, 2011]

Previously on Life's Little Clusterfucks.....

                                                           Got nothin  :P  Warning: Contains Profanity, Sexual Content, and Truth.

1. Numbers game, huh? ok then #69, you know the drill
2. Dude, your left hand.... That's just not right.
3. While we're at it, where were you the past few weeks?
4. And that better be ice cream
5. Dude
6. what
7. guess what i saw
8. what
9. a cute little kitty cat with a pop tart body that shits rainbows in the night sky
10. ffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuu-
11. The moment you by apple products, niggas will start shunnin you?
12. why
13. i phone 24g will have released by then. with more apps than the money you spent on that fossil.
14. should have planned ahead, chief
15. Tagged: the craigslist of social networking.
16. Hey!! you promised me the consumption of dangerous shit with that bacon, Mr. Epic Meal Time!!! *pouts*
17. *Muscles glasses steps in front of me*
18. *change of heart* Next time, i'm eating my own turd  *runs scared*
19. So I hear you like to steal bikes. Well mines is waitin to meet your neck
20. What? my favorite celebrity nude?
21. BULLSHIT!!! I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!!
22. Dancing hamsters just save a post apocalyptic world!!
23. Pour That in your cup and drink it. BIATCH
24. what's that, they don't use "biatch" anymore? fu--
25. I hear when you disregard the terms and conditions, a creepy little pervert shows up to remind you
26. Don't look at me, you're the one who checked the box...
27. Why am I obsessed with girls you ask
28. Hey, you're the one showin me those naked pictures...
29. Alright, time for the sneak preview of Iron Man 3...
30. *Sees Rick Astley*
31. *big explosion in neighborhood*
32. I swear this dude in The YuYu Hakusho Parody sounds just like Yuusuke and Kuwabara.
33. Listen to the naked black man in the towel. Your boyfriend will approve.
34. They say the Owl is watching you masturbate.
35. It's because he's not really an owl, he's a sheltered son of a prominent pastor.
36. he just curious so there's nothin to be creeped out about.
37. Trust me, just show him some porn and he'll follow suit.
38. Took ya ass four episodes to find out that your friend is a crazed homicidal maniac.
39. I would have ran away if i were you.
40. Next Time, I'm Eating space colonies.

See Ya in Episode Six!!!

Showa 60 and Gekko presents... Life's Little Cluster F*cks We Don't Approve Of [LLCFWDAO]

Written at Anime Weekend Atlanta 2011[ Showa 60's 5th anniversary of Anime Conventions]
Accompanied by Kengo "Gekkou" Utahoshi


The time of this team up is 7:50pm. Where is this being done? I'll tell you: The Double Tree Hotel; two miles from what we call civilization [ or whatever the fuck we call it]. Well some plotholes are best left gaping with that one. Upon typing this, me and SIDAO's Gekko (says “woo behind me) were dicussing how we were going to set this up. Gekko states that we should discuss jack shit or rather stuff from his previous FB notes. Which are:

Before I let him start, I should warn you, I'm practically nice compared to him. Plus I have seen what he's capable of. Allow me to to give you this one chance to run in the bitchiest way possible. I will not judge you for it.

Gekko: I will.

Showa: I won't hold it against you if you run pissing on yourself.

Gekko: I will.

Just, if you can't handle shit that even the FCC or Christian faith could cower against, now is a good time to run like HELL. Or simply close the browser and do something smart with your life. Cause I don't want any complaints and illiteracy and ignorance are luxuries we can't afford.

Gekko: what's worse than Hell? Or yaoi rooms full of “desu”

Okay, now that we have weeded the pussies out...

[Gekko]:
What pissed me off today; People who just try to get in places for free; or rather, people who cheat the system. Not only did you not get anything out of it, you got ABSOULUTELY nothing out of it. Like, really though.

“I got a shirt for free for taking this job of sitting here all day! Desu.”

ORLY? Cuz I got the same shirt AND some other free stuff you missed from sitting in one spot all day. . . Anti-desu.

In short, you suck, pretty much. All it took was a little preparation, but laziness got the best of you. What I'm saying is, . . The fuck am I sayin'? It's not like you're gonna pay attention to it. Like that one time I told you there was a stalker in your bushes and you never checked. Yes, I know you didn't. I SAW YOU!!!!! Lie. TAG OUT!

Showa: Ok, it's my tun frolics like school girl

Any way.....

Since this is done at a convention, and on the … you know what, I've gone on record on my 5th anniversary of attending Anime Weekend Atlanta, so I'm gonna spare you on that one.

I'm noticing a trend of girls saying I smell nice. Cause I know I only took a shower before coming to the con...
Frienship is magic? I bet... especially for people my age watching that...
speaking of, these “Bronies” are making a “blazblue” knockoff... the fuck!?
If you see a guy workin it behind you in a hentai viewing room, punch his shit in an run off
Don't expect a waldrobe malfunction from female cosplayers, that's when the REAL fun goes down.
This also applies to dating ;)
Halibel released: take that pic before they tell her to change clothes
You wastin time, hurry the fuck up before you....
oh goddammit.
If a girl ask you to grope her breasts, especially in a con, then I got a question for you
ARE YOU GAY
better yet, the gay guy's not so hesitant. So why the fuck are you still standing here?
What's that? You need an adult?
Well guess what [creepy rape face] I'm right here :)
Blind spots in a con. Best places for far less sophmoric antics [sneaky face]
How old are you?
25
THE FUCK!?
Yeah
faints how?
Don't know...
When facing a Japanese person, and you claim to speak Japanese, be prepared.
POPO IS NOT BLUE!!!! but he is a potential rapist
Giant Pocky: a big “that's what she said” joke waiting to happen.
I have an arm cannon. Your argument is invalid!!!
Chuck Norris and Sephiroth: run. Now....
How much for that giant robot that can hammer a planet to nothingness?
Persistence: she says you're doing it wrong.
How?
“Is it working now?”
I mean seriously, for three weeks
Wind is a horny element at times
That said, where DID it touch you?
Fuck Yamcha
Join Launch at the bar while you're at it.
Before AWA: this mind vampire we call life
During AWA: CIVILIZATION!!!!
After AWA: this mind vampire we call life
Wataru: [looks at Edward Cullen] The fuck!?
Edward Cullen: [looks at Wataru] Looks whos talkin, look like girl with that scarf.
Wataru: [looks at Edward] At least I don't glitter in the sunlight like tinkerbell.
Edward runs crying...
Day 2 is usually the prime of the conventions.
For the fangirls out there, there are two guys in one king sized and one bed, and a couch. One of them is angry.


Oh wow. And we did that with a box of nothing.
So until next...
Gekko: Final thoughts Final thoughts Final thoughts Final thoughts.....

Uh..... UUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGHHHHHH....... Yo.

So, enjoy this collab-oh wait, it's done... Fuck Steve Harvey. SWAG.


That's our Piece. PEACE!! :D

My 3 NOT-so-Evil Exes....

[The story you're about to read is true. The names are changed to protect the innocent]

[The booty i received at the end of my teen life]

     As a budding teenager, I was admonished by my parents to focus only on my education, rather than pursue romance.  This was one of many words of caution given to me by my strict upbringing.  Of course, my inner youth cried out, "fuck that, I'm not leaving my teenage years without some action". I say that to illustrate that as I look back on my past relationships, I come to find that they weren't as bad as most of the relationships I hear about.  With that, I will expose my three previous, yet no so recent girlfriends in chronological order.

     September 18, 2002 was a date I remember well. Prior to that time, a friend of mine introduced me to her.  Nicole was shy viola player from Ohio, who was sweet, smart and caring.  We had some nice one-on-one time together; always meeting each other between classes. The previously mentioned date was when a blackout occurred on campus before classes began.  I've been kissed and have kissed girls before, but not in the fashion that would set the stage for us being together.  Of course, it was the talk of the school; the oddball popular anime nerd who can't break his parent's bank got himself a girlfriend.  This lasted up until the end of the year, inherently it was something of a birthday present for the both of us, seeing that we were both born on the same month [November].  Though we ended it on equal terms without any complaints and bs found in romance novels, I feel that this was the more sound of the three.

     Love at first sight might feel arbitrary, but some benefit from this principle.  Aiding me in putting this to the test was Denise.  2004 was the year that I would officially explore the world that proved that high school drama was bullshit, and romance was no exception.  Oddly enough, sex was on the menu, but another time.  This one was rather challenging.  Here I learned the importance of fighting to keep a girl entertained.  Of course being financially competent was the least of my troubles compared to appeasing her need for what the old English nickname, knowledge.  Sadly for me, I was the ill-informed self cockblocker.  After the time period, I broke up with her due to some pretentious excuse of male integrity and virginity. Not many men can admit to this, but sometimes we screw ourselves out of a good thing. And this 18 year-old  knew jack shit about making a girl happy.  Come to think of it, this 27 year-old is feelin rather ignorant to this day. Also, she was the only girl I dated who was born in the same year as me.  And after some time of being away, we're on speaking terms.  We're two consenting adults now, so of course we're gonna get along and have our occasional "hey, what's up" type dialog. 

[Bryan O'Maley should do a comic on my love life... no. Not really]

     Sometimes, progress can be a dangerous form of change.  With that, Let's meet my last girlfriend before I became an adult. I met Leah on the way home from downtown back in February of 2005.  This lasted a bit longer than my last two, but this ended on broken promises on her end. We rarely saw each other, though we reached each other via telecommunications.  But in the end, it became the worst of the three.

   Each of these three lasted about 3 months or more. But ultimately, I have no regrets, especially with some of these people having four to even fifteen ex lovers and spouses.  Sure I did have my shortcomings during my twenties, but at least i didn't jump into a full on relationship, and NO, for me anything less than two months is NOT dating or a relationship at all.  Compared to these individuals, I feel that I was done a favor to stay single. But then again, who wants to be single, at least they had some way of being approached that got them at least laid.

   In the end, I guess having less to no prior failures in relationships is kind of advantageous.  But for me, they're not failures but examples of the standards we set in the future.  In fact the latter two are on my Facebook [read the disclaimer].  After that I learned alot.  But it all boils down to this: Wake up, do what you do on your average day, maybe something fun like, watching a marathon of your favorite show, rinse and repeat. 

       Between the blackout and my last break up, I can't say it wasn't a nice experience to feel love.  And also, I hope the fourth girlfriend will be someone I keep for a lifetime.  A big thank you to my three ex-girlfriends for showing me what love is. I'll do better than last time.

[here's to the fourth]

Scott Pilgrim (c) Bryan Lee O'maley/ Oni Press

Fan art by Captainosaka, E Man, and supersmashsketcher